I Now Know
by MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus
Summary: (COMPLETE)He talked about the other girl he fancied for two years; he told me I didn’t understand what it was like going through that, to actually think about them constantly. He told me I was clueless, and stupid. See what he bloody knows!


I Now Know  
  
A/N: A few fics ago, I told you all I had never written a more personal fic. Well, now I have. This is a true story, written in characters stand points. This really happened to me; I was crying as I wrote this. Please, no flames.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my tears.  
  
Summary: He talked about the other girl he fancied for two years; he told me I didn't understand what it was like going through that, to actually think about them constantly. He told me I was clueless, and stupid. See what he bloody knows!  
  
I Now Know

* * *

I sit here writing this, tears falling down my face as I go. Because I finally realized that no matter what, something you wish for is always out of reach. I write this now, not bothering to wipe the tears away, because I now know why the call it a crush.  
  
So long have I been here... worshiping the ground he walks on, feeling my stomach flip whenever someone says his name, losing my mind when he walks into the room. But it's never enough with him. I'm never enough. Yesterday, I poured my heart out to him. We were talking and just out of nowhere, I became upset at how clueless he is. No matter what I told him, he just wouldn't understand.  
  
He talked about the other girl he fancied for two years; he told me I didn't understand what it was like going through that, to actually think about them constantly. He told me I was clueless, and stupid. That I would never take what he gave me. Never understand whatever feelings he shows. See what he bloody knows! I hear him talk about having these feelings towards this one single person that nobody could ever counter. And he thinks I don't understand. He thinks I don't know!  
  
But I sit here, and I write this, and I cry; because I know exactly how it feels. I know the worst part of falling for someone you can't have. Because I did! Imagine how bad I feel... knowing that he doesn't even know me when I have claimed to love him for years! Imagine the tears falling down my face because he has my heart... and he doesn't even know it. I understand clearly how it feels. I understand what it's like to be smitten with someone to the point where nobody else compares. To the point where I have to think about someone else or I'll scream! Imagine me crying over something like that. Well... I am.  
  
I'm sitting here feeling the tears stain my cheeks and fall to my shirt, and I don't bother to wipe them away. I wish for them. Because I know that God's letting me cry. God's letting me know that it's okay to sit here, write this, and feel awful. Because I do. I fell for someone who had no clue. He saw my longing stares and he saw my flirtatious smiles but he didn't see me! He didn't let it register; he didn't understand!  
  
He thought I was dumb because I thought I knew deep feelings. He though I was clueless of a feeling you get only when you've liked someone for so long. He doesn't understand that him loving her lasted two years; and I loved him for FIVE! FIVE! Bloody five years of my life. Age ten to fifteen! He thinks I'm clueless and the worst part is...  
  
The worst part is... he doesn't care. I told him I liked him, I told him I fell for someone and he asked who. He asked who like he cared; but I know he didn't. I know he was just being curious. And I told him; I told him and he didn't understand, he didn't believe. My temper had gotten the best of me and I told him that whoever dated him only wanted him for the fame. They certainly didn't want him for the brains that he claims to have. I told him that he can be such a jerk; then I told him I loved him.  
  
As expected, he became confused. Confused that I had said something mean, then turned around and told him that I've had a crush on him for a long time. He didn't understand until I explained it to him. I explained that I had let my temper get the best of me. Then, he said he didn't want to talk to me if all I was going to do was yell at him; and call him stupid. I sighed, taking a deep breath; I calmed before I explained how I was smitten and that I was sorry I was yelling. Reality struck then. He figured out that I had a crush on him... and he changed the subject. He changed the subject.  
  
I lost it then. I left the room and I didn't look back. Because even then, the tears were forming. They were ready to stain my face as they are now. And I know some people say: love's blind. But not this love; not anymore. He knows what I feel and when I blushed in embarrassment saying, "I like you... and you don't like me... this is very uncomfortable..." he smiled and laughed. He smiled like he didn't care; like he didn't know it was true. And as much as I want to be mad at him... I can't. I can't be mad because I love him. I truly, deeply, love him. I can't be mad at unrequited love, because I know that there are other guys out there. There are cuter and more understanding guys waiting for me....  
  
But they just aren't Harry Potter.

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A/N: This is from Ginny's stand point. I am affected in exactly the same way she is. Infatuated by a clueless boy; my old brother's best friend. She claimed that girls only wanted him for fame; I claim that girls only want my crush, for his looks.  
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus

MORE OF HE LOVED ME COMING SOON!


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